I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
