So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
