On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
