so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
