she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
