The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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