4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
