i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
