I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
