did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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