Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
