porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
