I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize