R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
