you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize