paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
