guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
