First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
