dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
