I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
