Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
