Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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