ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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