She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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