do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
