she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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