bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
