That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
