Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
