Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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