..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
