he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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