so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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