So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
