So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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