I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
