The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
