so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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