just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
