I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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