You can't special order awesome
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
