She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
