Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
