If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
