Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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