Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
