His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
