Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
