Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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