my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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