U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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