seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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