forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
