One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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