ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
