He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
