Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
me + whiskey = a bad person
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
