dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
