So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize