just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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