did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
