I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
