I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im holly from the hills drunk
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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