I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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