I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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